THROUGH THE FIRE, INTO VISION

YOU FIRST. 

I have been sitting here in the cloud forest of Ecuador looking for my own pleasure and desire in this offering.

In truth, what I’ve felt more than desire is exhaustion. I’ve been navigating the energetic debt of serving others for many years and wondering if what I’ve been doing is actually making a difference. I’ve been being with the overwhelm of trying to figure out what I could give that could possibly be enough in these times when the world seems so on fire. I’ve been asking how do I resource myself in a time when people seem so unwilling to devote themselves to deeper spiritual self-inquiry.  

But here is what I do know… We are in days where the spiritual can no longer afford to be separate from the political. The gig is up with the bypass of being so spiritual that I’m exempt from being witness to the atrocities being committed daily against humanity and the planet.

And…still…the most radical action you have available to you is to resource yourself. To connect well and truly with the desires that are whispering to you about what is really needed. Even as the machines that listen to us as we sleep are co-opting the language of our desires, almost in real time, to sell them back to us.

The message that drove me out of meditation and to my laptop this morning was “you first!”. It was so insistent that my eyes threw themselves open, my hands reaching for the keys, against every agreement I have to remain in my seat until the end of the session. But this is my metta (loving kindness practice) today. To transcribe this message of “Me First!”  Not me only. But me first. I must give myself the tools I want to share with the world. The balm I desire to be, I must be first to myself. And so it is with each of us. It is not to be resourced instead of but to be resourced in order to. It is the proverbial putting on our own oxygen masks first in the turbulence.

In this time, gathering matters. It has never mattered more.

So… back to seeking my own desire in the midst of all the chaos and doubt...

What I am turned on about is truth. Truth beyond what AI can synthesize. Truth that comes from the myceliar connections of our wombs to one another and the planet.

What I’m turned on about is transmission. The ways that we actually hold each other in the grounded wisdom of a shared nervous system that stabilizes, even as we, individually, feel unsteady.

In this time, we must find each other under tents and by creeksides. As a testament to our times, these days that place is often Zoom.

Tell me, can you feel this in your body, this urgency? That is timeless.

What I know about myself, personally, is that, when I move to new levels of evolution and consciousness, I do not go sweetly, like a graduate who has passed some cosmic exam. I go crying and flailing through the ring of fire, and, only on the other side, when my heaves have settled, do I recognize that I am sitting in new territory. Surprised to even be alive, because I was sure I was at my end. But, oh, with wonder, I take in that where I really am is at another beginning.

And so it is with our collective humanity in this moment, as we burn to find a way to the other side.

So, I invite you because it’s necessary.

I invite you because this is not work any of us can do alone.

I invite you to warm yourself by this fire that is delivering us at the same time that it feels eviscerating.

For a moment, pull aside the veil of your own exhaustion. Your discontent with the terrible disembodiment of Zoom. Your fatigue at being told that if you will just buy one more thing, you may just be exempt from the apocalypse.

Underneath the noise and fatigue, there is a knowing that this is a quickening, an uncomfortable but equally necessary stage in the birthing of the new.

This is an invitation to gather as our truest selves.

To lovingly find the direction under the overwhelm.

To link our daily actions to the enormity of the visions that are calling us forth.

To galvanize a future that can only be birthed by the feminine aware of the power of its own being.

So here, as we begin the double fire year of the Fire Horse in the Chinese zodiac (an alignment we have not seen since the last wave of civil rights) – I invite you…just as you are…to reconnect with yourself AS the way forward.

Come to rekindle your relationship with desire.

Come to clarify your vision.

Come to bathe in communion.

Come to find the way together.

In flaming solidarity,

Kianga

Pacto, Ecuador

February 2026

I have a PhD (abd) in cultural theory and another graduate degree in fine art. I’m also a certified coach, an Orgasmic Meditation trainer, and an ordained intuitive. But what really qualifies me to do this work is that I’ve walked the walk in the real world. I’ve leaned into these principles of creation and surrender while caretaking a terminally-ill parent, while navigating the wilds of dating and business-building, while traveling the world and remaking my life in different contexts. What I teach has been forged and clarified many times over by real world challenges. So, while I may have an academic background, this is a living practice and not an intellectual theory.

I’ve parlayed decades of work as an artist and educator into a refined expertise in Experience and Curriculum Design. What results is not information. It’s the magic of being able to create a context for you to have your own personal and direct experience with the Principles of Creation. So the invitation I make to you is not to become more like me, but to become more of You.